Harry's Social Disaster!
by yodoggjdoggindahouseyo
Summary: Harry's ego is too big and his sociallife falls apart.
1. Harry's Social Disaster

decided to make a funny story about him, please so not take offense.  
  
Harry, Hermoine, and Ron were attending Professor Snape's potion class, when..  
  
Neville: Oh my totally goody-goo-gosh! Harry's potion is oozing and foaming all over the place!  
  
Harry: ...duh?  
  
Snape: Harry! Clean up this mess immediately!  
  
Harry: But Professor! I am Harry Potter. I should have a slave to clean up my mess!  
  
Snape: Mr. Potter, not only are you going to clean up your mess but you are going to clean up every mess that happens for the rest of the year! And for talking back, Gryffindor loses 150 points and Slytherin gains the points you lost.  
  
Ron: Thanks a lot Harry, you're such a jerk!  
  
Malfoy: Hey Harry! You're not so bad after all!  
  
*After class Harry is walking to lunch with Ron and Hermoine.*  
  
Harry: Can you believe Snape? He can't be so harsh on me, I'm the Holy Harry Potter for crying out loud!  
  
Ron: You have a serious ego problem. Harry: Ron, can you excuse me and Hermoine? I need to talk with her.  
  
Ron: Whatever  
  
Harry: Hermoine? We've been great friends for 5 years now, but my teenage hormones are kicking in and I was wondering if.you want to go out with me.  
  
Hermoine: Um, well, you see I have a friend named Anne Raisinbran, and she suggested that I date Malfoy, and I kinda said yes..  
  
Harry: What? No! Malfoy shall die! *Harry runs into the boy's bathroom and begins to cry. Ron was flushing his urinal.*  
  
Ron: Harry, what's wrong?  
  
Harry: That jack-ass, Malfoy is dating Hermoine!  
  
Ron: Yeah, duh, Anne Raisinbran is spreading it all over school. *Harry wails even louder.*  
  
Harry: That's it I'm going to find Hermoine and beg! I guess she'd be in the library. *Harry walks into the library to find Hermoine and Malfoy making out in the corner. He get's mad that he runs towards them and bashes Malfoy's head into a bookcase so hard that the bookcases fall like dominoes.*  
  
Hermoine: Harry! You're a monster! I will take my beloved Malfoy to the nurse immediately.  
  
Harry: Fine Hermoine! Be a bitch! I hate you! Go eat a bad clam! Harry storms to the opposite corner of the library where Anne Raisinbran and Haley Giggles were gossiping.  
  
Anne: Did you hear what happened to Harry?  
  
Haley: Yeah, he made our house lose 150 points!  
  
Anne: Not just that, he's really pissed at Hermoine.  
  
Haley: But Hermoine and Malfoy are so cute together!  
  
Anne: I know! Haley: TOASTER STRUEDAL! *giggles and falls on the floor giggling as she knocks over books on the table* FUNNEL CAKE! *The librarian throws Haley out of the library because she is a disturbance to other readers.*  
  
Harry: Hey Anne!  
  
Anne: H-Ha-Har-Harr-Harry? *her face turns into the color of her red hair*  
  
Harry: Why did you make Hermoine date Malfoy?  
  
Anne: It was only a suggestion, and Hermoine seems to like him.  
  
Harry: I'll get my revenge on everyone! 


	2. Harry's Social catastrophy

I am writing another chapter to "Harry's Social Disaster." I will be having help by princessflowerchild who also plays Haley Giggles.  
  
*Harry is huddled into a tiny corner with a notepad and paper, he is plotting revenge on the world.*  
  
Harry: Malfoy is first because he sucks, Anne Raisenbran is second because she suggested it, Hermione is third because she's dating someone who sucks, and Haley Giggles is fourth because she laughs too much, and Ron is fifth because he didn't flush the urinal  
  
Ron: Harry?  
  
Harry: NO! BECAUSE HE WAS SPYING ON ME!  
  
Ron: Harry? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?  
  
Harry: I got allergies... oh and I got a rare disease that you see on muggle talk shows.  
  
Ron: What's it called?  
  
Harry: AN-ASS-HOLE-IS-DATING-MY-GIRLFRIEND-TO-BE-OBIA  
  
Ron: oh  
  
Harry: Just you wait Ron, Hermione will be all mine at the beginning of Herbology! AND HE WILL SUFFER!  
  
*Next day in Herbology*  
  
Harry: (in an insane voice) Any moment now! Any moment now!  
  
*Hermione and Draco are flirting with each other and Draco and Hermione sit down, Draco sits down on a tack, he jumps up and hits his head on a bowling ball and the bowling ball hits a lever that makes hippogriff shit fall on him*  
  
Draco: AHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Hermione: MY POOR DRACIEKINS! LET ME MAKE OUT WITH YOU! *Hermione and Draco start making out*  
  
Harry: NOOOOOO! MY PLAN HAS FAILED! WAAAAAAAH! *bursts into tears and runs into the boys bathroom there Ron is flushing the urinal once again*  
  
Ron: Yup, that was a good pee *sniffs his hands* I didn't wash them yes ah! The essence of urine! So, why are you crying this time Harry?  
  
Harry: Well-  
  
Ron: Well, I don't really care because we have to get back to Herbology now!  
  
Harry: OK! *Ron and Harry go to Herbology*  
  
*After Herbology is over*  
  
*Ron approaches Hermione*  
  
Ron: Hey Hermione lets date!  
  
Hermione: I'm down!  
  
Harry: YOU SON OF A BITCH RON! *slaps Ron and Ron falls towards the ground and some how breaks his spleen*  
  
*Mrs. Weasley randomly comes in*  
  
Mrs. Weasley: ESCUUUUUUUSE ME!?  
  
Harry: BITCH!  
  
Mrs. Weasley: *runs off crying*  
  
Ron: YOU BITCH!  
  
Harry: I'M NOT A BITCH! I'M A BASTARD!  
  
Ron: OW MY SPLEEN!  
  
Hermione: OH! My poor Ronnikins! *hugs Ron*  
  
Harry: I HATE YOU!  
  
Ron: Thank you  
  
Harry: I HATE YOU ALL!  
  
Hermione: DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE GIVE A SHIT?!  
  
Harry:...no...I'LL KILL YOU! *runs off to Hagrid's hut*  
  
Hagrid: oy! 'Arry boy!  
  
Harry: Hi Hagrid, can I steal some of your death tea powder  
  
Hagrid: Well, I kinda already used it on McGonnagall because she is a threat on Dumbledore's singleness! THEN WHEN I SCROUNGE UP ENOUGH COURAGE I CAN ASK DUMBLEDORE TO MARRY ME!  
  
Harry: I'LL KILL YOU TOO! *runs to the boy's dormitory and flings himself onto his bed. There he finds a letter opener from the Dursley's that they gave to him that Christmas* Tis nice and sharp, and pointy, tis good enough Malfoy and Ron to stab! BUT MALFOY FIRST BECAUSE HERMIONE LIKES HIM MORE! *stroke letter opener*  
  
REVIEW OR DIE! AND REMEMBER...Julia knows where you live! 


	3. Harry's social Hell

Ron: Hey! Did you hear the news? A new girl is coming to Hogwarts! Her name is Julia!  
  
Harry: Yes! A new girl to hit on!  
  
Ron: You âre such a weirdo.  
  
Harry ponders of how he can get this new girl: Julia to be his girlfriend, he watches jealously as Hermoine walks down the hallway with her arm tightly wrapped around Malfoys neck. Malfoy has his hand right on her ass.  
  
Harry: I totally have a plan. The next morning Julia nervously walks to breakfast, she is in Slytherin. Haley Giggles is rolling on the floor in laughter as usual. Julia and Haley become homies, but Julia is kind of scared. But then, Malfoy sits next to her, and begins to flirt. Julia begins to titter in a mindless fashion.  
  
Malfoy: So, maybe I can show you around the school a little, maybe we can be close friends¦.  
  
Julia: Yea! That'd be great!  
  
Harry: WHOA! Hold on a second! Not only was I going to flirt with her, even if she;s the most hideous thing I ever saw, but Malfoy is cheating on Hermoine! Hermoine look at Draco!  
  
Hermoine: Huh? OH MY GOD! THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!  
  
Harry: (very pleased with himself) what are you gonna do?  
  
Hermoine: Kick his little bleach haired ass! (storms over to Malfoy) What the fuck is going on here?!?!?  
  
Malfoy: Lemme alone, mud-blood. I have a new girl who's pure wizard and she's a hottie.  
  
(Malfoy puts her arm around her).  
  
Hermoine: B-But all the wonderful times we shared!  
  
(she slaps Malfoy across the face)  
  
Hermione: We are through!  
  
Malfoy: No shit, Sherlock!  
  
Hermoine storms away towards the girls lavatory. Ron follows in a panic.  
  
Ron: Hermoine! Slow down! What's wrong?  
  
Hermoine: That ass, Malfoy broke up with me for this stupid Julia. He called me names, and he cursed at me. I liked him SO much. It wasn't love yet but, but Whaaaaa!  
  
Ron: Malfoy's a Slytherin they are never up to any good. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?  
  
Hermoine: Ron, you âre such a good friend I know we were never close but I think I didn't get to know you well enough.  
  
(She softly hugs Ron, Ron returns a gentle squeeze)  
  
Anne: (exits stall) OOOOO Scandal! Hermoine and Ron are a couple! Must tell entire tri-state area!  
  
Hermoine: No! Stop!  
  
It was too late, Anne had scampered out the door without washing her hands. And sure enough, everyone found out, even Snape found out and teased them a lot. But most of all, Harry found out. He was furious. Ron and Hermoine discussed whether they should make that rumor true, or deny it. Hermoine suggested they should try it out, to see if any sparks fly, Ron didnâ€™t seem to mind. So it was settled. Ron and Hermoine were a couple. Meanwhile Julia and Malfoy became a couple as well. They even had a pretend wedding. Julia didnâ€™t care if the relationship was going too fast because Julia was on a weird powdery substance that she kept snorting. LOL! 


	4. Harry's social crisis

YAY! CHAPTER 4!  
  
* * *  
  
Chapter 4: Harry's Social Crisis  
  
Harry: *sitting on his bed going through the Hogwarts year book………if it has one* I am totally going to date. ANNE RAISENBRAN! *points at Anne's picture and starts getting excited* I SHALL GET REVENGE ON THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *takes out his envelope opener again and starts stroking it*  
  
LATER IN THE LIBRARY!  
  
Anne: OMG! It's Harry Potter! THE BIGGEST LOOSER IS SCHOOOOOOL! *laugh and points at Harry*  
  
Harry: Hey, Anne, wanna date?  
  
Anne: I'm down! ^-^  
  
Harry: (whispers to himself) Revenge………  
  
Anne: Lets kiss!  
  
Harry: In front of Malfoy!  
  
(Malfoy and Julia walk in Library)  
  
Anne: OK!  
  
(Harry and Anne start making out right in front of Malfoy and Julia)  
  
Julia: Eeeeeeew Groooossss! COOOOOTIES! I like Malfoy! *snuggles up against Malfoy*  
  
Malfoy: I'LL SHOW HIM! BECAUSE HE'S TRYING TO SHOW ME HE ACTUALLY HAS A FRIEND! WELL I'LL SHOW HIM I ACTUALLY HAVE MORE FRIENDS! :P Hey Anne, wanna be my friend and diss Harry over here?!  
  
Anne: OK! *drops Harry and snuggles up against Malfoy*  
  
Harry: *bottom lip trembles*  
  
Malfoy: I HAVE MORE GIRLFRIENDS THEN YOU! AND THEY DON'T MIND!  
  
(Julia and Anne are both snuggling up against Malfoy)  
  
Julia: SO SEXY!  
  
Anne: DAMN SEXY!  
  
Julia: BLOODY DAMN SEXY!  
  
Anne: MORE SEXIER THEN JULIA SAID!  
  
Julia: SEXY INFINITY!  
  
Anne: Damn, you cheated. *glares at Julia*  
  
(Malfoy and Julia make-out)  
  
(Anne gets jealous)  
  
Harry: *runs to girls lavatory by accidentally and sees Haley Giggles silent laughing but assumes that she is crying* What's your problem?  
  
Haley: I MET A POSSUM! *giggles so hard she cries*  
  
Harry: (sympathetically) Aw it's OK………WANT TO DATE!  
  
Haley: *giggles*  
  
Harry: WELL?!  
  
Haley: *giggles more*  
  
Harry: TELL ME!  
  
Haley *giggles even more and has a seizure for giggling too much*  
  
Harry: I take that as a yes!  
  
Haley: *nods and giggles*  
  
Harry: I'm taking you to Malfoy to show him I know a girl! And it's not Anne Raisinbran MWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Haley: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!………*giggles*  
  
NOW WE ARE BACK AT THE LIBARABY! Where Anne is plotting her jealous revenge on Julia for stealing her second boyfriend of the day.  
  
(Julia and Malfoy are in a random closet snogging with each other)  
  
Anne: HEY MALFOY GET OUT HERE QUICK! HARRY POTTER HAS A DATE! AND IT'S HALEY GIGGLES! AND SHE IS VERY SELECTIVE OVER BOYS!  
  
Malfoy: *comes out of closet and drops his jaw in amazement as he stares at Harry and giggling Haley* Who cares? I don't date losers……...Hey Potty, wanna go on a double date?  
  
Harry: YES! Just to prove I am smooth with the ladies!  
  
Haley: *pokes Harry in the ribs and he falls over* *giggles*  
  
(They go to Chuck E. Cheese's for their double date that night, I mean what can be cooler then a first date at Chuck E. Cheese's?)  
  
Haley: *giggles* YAY WERE AT CHUCK E. CHEESE'S KAREOKE! LOVE ROCK AND ROLL SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKE BOX BABY!  
  
Harry: But you used up my last dime on that cheap bracelet!  
  
Haley: OH! BUY ME THIS HARRY! *shoves a stuff animal in Harry's face* AND THIS! *shoves a nintendo game cube in Harry's face* AND THIS! *shoves the vending machine in Harry's face* AND THIS! *shoves the contract to the Chuck E. Cheese's building in Harry's face* AND THIS! *shoves a contract for the zoo in Harry's face* OH! HARRY LETS GO GET CHUCK E,'s AUTOGRAPH! OH HARRY THIS IS SUCH A MAGICAL NIGHT! *giggles*  
  
Harry: It is very magical Haley Baley Double Doodey in the sunshine! ! *tries not to look worried about bill*  
  
Haley: OH HONEY! LETS GO IN THE CHUCK E. CHEESE'S SPA! IT'S ONLY 600 GALLEONS PER PERSON HONEY POOP!  
  
Harry: Chuck E. Cheese's has a spa? Oh, well whatever you say Haley Baley Double Doodey in the sunshine!  
  
Malfoy: Having fun Potty, with your GIRLFRIEND! Oops, looks like that bill says TEN MILLION AND THREE GALLEONS AND 5 SICKLES! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Julia: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! *Throws head back*  
  
Haley: *throws head back too and giggles*  
  
Harry: EVIL SHE IS EVIL PURE EVIL! *runs away from Haley and into the boys bathroom*  
  
Haley: OH HARRYKINS! WE HAVN'T EVEN MADE OUT YET! *giggles*  
  
IN BATHROOM  
  
(Harry is curled up on the floor of a bathroom stall)  
  
Ron: Hi dee ho Winslow! *peers under Harry's stall*  
  
Harry: GRRRRR! I HATE YOU WEASEL! I AM GOING TO RIP YOU TO SHREDS!  
  
Ron: Do you hate me Because your giggle girlfriend is now going out with me?! And she doesn't ask me to buy her anything?!  
  
Harry: You broke up with Hermione?  
  
Ron: yeah, like 2 seconds ago, after she said I was too dumb for her- I mean I dumped her because she was a smart ass! ^-^  
  
Harry: Oh my goody goody gosh! Hermione's single! HOT DOG! I LOVE YOU RON! We are best friends again *hugs Ron* *runs into girls room* HERMIONE!  
  
Hermione: HARRY YOU SICK ANIMAL CAN'T YOU SEE I'M NAKED BECAUSE YOUR STUPID EX- BEST FRIEND SPILLED FRUIT PUNCH ALL OVER ME!  
  
Anne: *comes in the girls bathroom!* OMG! DID YOU JUST HEAR RON AND HARRY'S CONVERSATION!? HARRY POTTER IS GAY! MUST TELL WHOLE QUAD-STATE AREA! *runs out of bathroom*  
  
Harry: Want to date Hermione?  
  
Hermione: No I'm dating Professor Dumbledore!  
  
Harry: *falls on knees and screams to the sky* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
If you review I will give you a present. ^-^ 


	5. Harry’s Social Cataclysm

Harry's Social Cataclysm  
  
In our last chapter, Harry Potter was accused of being gay and Anne RaisinBran is spreading it all over school. Hermione is also dating Dumbledore. While Ron is dating Haley Giggles *giggles* And Julia is still dating Draco Malfoy because they are the best couple and they are not allowed to break up ^-^  
  
Anne: HARRY POTTER'S GAY! HARRY POTTER'S GAY! EVERYONE COME AND LOOK AND POINT AND LAUGH AT HARRY POTTER AT THE 'HARRY POTTER IS GAY PEP RALLY'!  
  
Ron: Wow Harry, your so popular you have your own pep rally! But really, you should have told me you were gay first-  
  
Harry: I'M NOT GAAAAAAY! I'M STRAIGHT AS A RULER!  
  
Haley: *thwaps Harry with a ruler* *giggles*  
  
Harry: I fucking HATE YOU HALEY!  
  
Haley: Thank you!  
  
Harry: ALL YOU DO IS GIGGLE! AND WASTE MY MONEY ON SHIT! AND THWAP ME WITH RULERS!  
  
Haley: I know! *giggles*  
  
Harry: How come you don't do that with Ron?  
  
Haley: Ron's cute and he doesn't have hygiene problems like you Harry *giggles*  
  
Anne: I WROTE THAT ARTICLE! YAY! *throws Harry's Hygiene problem articles at people to read*  
  
(everyone read the articles and makes fun of Harry's smelly self)  
  
(Draco and Julia knock Harry over on the ground, stand on him and make out on top of him)  
  
Harry: EEEEEEEEK! EWWWWWWW!  
  
Anne: HARRY POTTER EVEN SHRIEKS LIKE A GIRL!  
  
(everyone laughs)  
  
Dean: I love you Anne!  
  
Anne: I love you Dean!  
  
(Anne and Dean make out)  
  
(Harry Potter runs into his dorm room)  
  
Harry: THAT'S IT I'M GOING HOME! I'm going to go live with the Dursley's under the staircase.  
  
(Hedwig flies in the window and Harry gets a letter from the Dursley's that says: We hate you Harry, because of you we moved out of number 4 Privet Drive and we are not going to tell you where we moved! HA HA!)  
  
(Hermione and Dumbledore fall out of the closet and they are making out)  
  
Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *stands there with his mouth open not screaming anymore*  
  
Dumbledore: I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP HARRY!  
  
(Harry runs to Hagrid's hut)  
  
Harry: HAGRID! HAGRID! I JUST SAW HERMIONE AND DUMBLEDORE MAKING OUT!  
  
Hagrid: WHAT?! *throws a rock cake at the wall and his hut falls down* oh...whoops. I WILL KILL DUMBELDORE! OH wait- I love Dumbledore. I WILL KILL HERMIONE  
  
Harry: NO!  
  
Hagrid: Look 'Arry boy, you can't destroy a man's love for another man!  
  
Harry: YES I CAN! *runs out of Hagrid's hut...wait...Hagrid's hut isn't there anymore, so Harry just runs back into the boys dorm and starts punching his pillow* DIE! DIE! DIE!  
  
Pillow: Dude, stop it your hurting me  
  
Harry: AAAAAAH! *throws the pillow across the room* I HATE YOU!  
  
Pillow: Owch.  
  
Harry: EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE! I WANNA DIE!  
  
Pillow: But a minute ago you wanted me to die!  
  
Harry: TEENAGE HORMONES CAN DO LOTS OF THINGS!  
  
Pillow: Oh, I see.  
  
Harry: Hey, Pillow, do you know where Dumbledore and Hermione went?  
  
Pillow: Yeah, they went to his office to make out some more and to do it  
  
Harry: Do what?  
  
Pillow: DO IT!  
  
Harry: Do what?!  
  
Pillow Never mind  
  
Harry: Pillow, I just think you and me can get along, I'm going to bring you everywhere!  
  
Pillow: Can I have a name?  
  
Harry: Uh sure, I'm naming you Hermione, so I can snuggle and make out with you whenever I want and not feel pitiful!  
  
Pillow: Whateva  
  
Anne: OMG! MUST TELL THE WHOLE OF EUROPE AND SOCK WORLD! HARRY POTTER IS IN LOVE WITH A PILLOW!  
  
Harry: NOOOOOOOO! STOOOOOOOOOOP! *throws pillow at Anne*  
  
Pillow: Owch.  
  
Anne: *falls down flat on her face*  
  
Harry: Ha, I got you now!  
  
Anne: *takes out Mega Phone and screams 'HARRY POTTER IS IN LOVE WITH A PILLOW'*  
  
(All of Hogwarts laughs at Harry)  
  
Harry: *falls on knees takes out a knife and slits his wrists and screams at sky* GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Darn, wrong vein GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Hagrid: *bursts into dorm room with Hermione in his clench*  
  
Harry: HERMIONE!  
  
Hermione: HARRY!  
  
Hagrid: DUMBLEDORE!  
  
Dumbledore: Um...pigeon?  
  
Harry: Do you love me Hermione? TELL ME YOU DO OH SEXY ONE!  
  
Pillow: I love you Harry.  
  
Hermione: No, Harry I do not love you, I am in love with Dumbledore who is ten times my age!  
  
Hagrid: SAY DUMBLEDORE AGAIN AND YOUR TOAST!  
  
Harry: YAY! I LIKE TOAST! I mean- NOOOOOOOOOOO! *throws pillow at Hagrid*  
  
Pillow: Owch.  
  
Hermione is in the middle between two lovers! Hagrid seeks revenge on Hermione to get his loved one Dumbledore! Harry Potter is more of a loser then he has ever been before! But atleast he has his pillow! Haley Giggles and Ron are getting along too well! Draco and Julia are getting married in June! Anne and Dean make out too much! What shall happen in the NEXT CHAPTER?!  
  
Harry: *opens his mouth with fear like he did earlier in the chapter (aka the Mr. Finn pose)*  
  
Pillow: Owch.  
  
REVIEW OR DIE! 


	6. Harry's Social Horror

Chapter 6: Harry's Social Calamity  
  
In our last chapter Draco and Julia are getting married in June and Hermione and Dumbledore are getting too close. Ron and Haley are lovers for life! (Haley: *giggles*) and Anne finds out Dean is a Social Butterfly too! Now they can get gossip around twice as fast!  
  
Harry: Pillow, let me tell you, life used to be so easy. It was like everyone just knew that I was better than them, now, I'm treated like everyone else but only worse so.you know?  
  
Pillow: Oh, did you just say something?  
  
Harry: That does it, tonight Draco dies.  
  
Pillow: *snore* oh, whatever.  
  
*~later that night~*  
  
Harry: (puts on his invisibility cloak with a knife in his hand) OK, here I go. *trips* *riiiiiiiiiiiiip!!!* OH NO! MY CLOAK IS RUINED!!!!  
  
Snape: Potter! Why are you out of bed in my beloved Draco's dorm room with a knife?  
  
Harry: UMMMM..I love him?  
  
Snape: What? No! Draco is MINE!!!! MINE I SAY! Gryfindor loses 300 points!!!!  
  
Harry: B-but then everyone will hate me!  
  
Snape: WAKE-UP EVERYONE! HARRY POTTER WANTS TO HOOK-UP WITH DRACO MALFOY!!!!  
  
*everyone points and laughs*  
  
Harry: AAAA ::runs back to his bed screaming:: *everyone in the dorm laughs at him* What are laughing at?  
  
Ron: Snape's announcement was on the P.A. system!  
  
Harry: What? We have a P.A. system? *has emotional break-down*  
  
Pillow: There, there?  
  
*~next morning~*  
  
Ron: Hey fruit cup, aren't you going to finish your breakfast? I heard there's a new professor.  
  
Harry: Oh yeah? Who's that?  
  
Ron: Professor Finn. He's teaching Quidditch.  
  
Harry: I have Quidditch first period this year!  
  
*bell rings*  
  
Harry: Since when do we have a bell? *scurries off to class*  
  
Finn (wearing a chiton): Welcome to Quidditch, I will learn you and emotionally scar you! *grins REALLY big*  
  
Harry: Well I'M the seeker so I get special privileges!  
  
Finn: Not anymore! *lifts Ron over his head* Ron is our new seeker!  
  
Ron: Ha Ha! In your face you fairy!  
  
Finn: There will be no dissing gay people in this class because my cousin is bisexual! (actually true I met her)  
  
Haley: *giggles* I'm Haley! *eats a banana*  
  
Finn: Let's go river dancing!  
  
Haley: I'm down!  
  
*dances*  
  
Finn: Ok, do 212 push-ups! NOW!  
  
Harry: *collapses after doing 3*  
  
Finn: *smacks Harry* You suck! You have been down-graded to bench-warmer!  
  
Harry: Bench-warmer! But I'm Holy Harry Potter!  
  
Finn: I have webbed toes but you don't see me complaining!  
  
Harry: You do?  
  
Finn: NO! *bell rings*  
  
Finn: We have a bell?  
  
Harry: Yes, yes, we do indeed have a bell. Aww crap now I have to go to potions class!  
  
Snape: *glares evilly as Harry walks in* Mr. Potty, have a seat AWAY from Malfoy!  
  
Harry: I'M NOT GAY!!!! I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH HERMOINE!  
  
*Dumbledore bursts in with a hack saw*  
  
Dumbledore: DIE HARRY POTTER!!!  
  
Harry: *takes out wand and accidentally turns himself into a cock roach*  
  
Dumbledore: *stomp* *squish*  
  
*~later at the nurse's office~*  
  
Harry wakes up to find that he is back to a human boy, wait a HUMAN boy not a wizard.  
  
*Dumbledore, Ron, Hermoine, Draco, Haley, Hagrid, Snape, Finn, Julia, Anne, and some random girl named Hillary burst in*  
  
All: HA HA! YOU ARE A HUMAN! NOW YOU MUST LEAVE OUR SCHOOL!!!  
  
Harry: B-but the Dursley's moved away!  
  
Hillary: *waves her wand and turns Harry Potter back into a wizard*  
  
All: WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!!! *angry mob forms*  
  
Harry: Wanna date?  
  
Hillary: Sorry, I'm allergic to losers..  
  
Harry: People say that a lot to me...  
  
Dumbledore: *grabs Harry by the neck* Don't you EVER go near Hermoine again or I'll feed you to our camel!  
  
Harry: Yes SIR!  
  
Hagrid: If you even think about about Dumbledore I'll feed you the warthog!  
  
Harry: Yes SIR!  
  
Haley: *giggles*  
  
Anne: I need some more rumors to spread *sigh*  
  
Julia: Don't forget, me and Draco's wedding is June 10th!  
  
Next Chapter there will be tears, anger, and camels! Review or DIE! 


End file.
